JAMIE GREENE

Ever feel like a damsel in distress lying in wait for your knight only for him to be too busy shining his armor? Have I got some tips for all of you choosing unavailable men...

It must be the most consistent trait I see in virtually every woman I have counseled; choosing Sir Lacks-a-lot!

(As you'll soon see, this phenomenon equally applies to many of my gay friends)

It's as if there's some kind of medieval dormant gene in your psyche that summons forth the Barren Knight to awaken. Of course, you don't see this most elusive hidden quality in yourselves, let alone your suitors, but you'll agree that it's a self-defeating pattern that always ends in tears.

Let's understand this nasty ancient curse.

An honest fair maiden eagerly awaits her soul mate to sweep her off her feet and over the threshold, only to discover that her knight is merely passing through, en route to his next joust. So many gauntlets... but few hands that fit. You would have thought that his iron-clad armor was enough...

Knock, knock… who's there?

Ever get that feeling that nobody's home?
A room filled with neighbors, but you're all alone.
The couch is a sleeper, yet you're wide awake,
The crust has been crumbled with nothing to bake.
The fridge door is open, the freezer ajar,
Your hunger for comfort so near, yet so far.
The browser is searching and spinning its globe,
So you patiently wait with such promise and hope.
When you land on the home page you're having a hunch,
That the lights are still on but they're all out to lunch.
You search for the words to get over the hump,
Thesaurus and Oxford… totally stumped.
If there's nowhere to turn, a blank mirror ahead,
Do you blame and cajole or own it instead?
The reflection revealed may taunt and provoke,
Can it possibly be that I am the bloke
Who left on the lights and the doors all ajar?
What are you saying...
Elusive, moi?

Elusive, Moi? by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United...